Healthy Boundaries for the Holidays

 

Let's start with a primer: Family knows how to push your buttons because they installed them. 

Going to our families of origin for the holiday season can be stressful and kick up a lot of anxiety triggers. The best way to get a hold of our anxiety and feel grounded and centered is to review boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are the ultimate form of self-respect because they say to the world, "I deserve to be honored, respected, and valued." Boundaries denote confidence. 

Since confidence is one of the casualties of PTSD, we likely have to relearn (or maybe learn for the first time) how to make a healthy and reasonable boundary, how to maintain that boundary, and what to do if someone chooses to ignore it. 

Making healthy boundaries seems like it should be easy and intuitive, but it's not. So let's start.

1. Healthy boundaries make healthy relationships

There is no such thing as a healthy relationship without boundaries, whether it's a marriage, a friend, a colleague, or the relationship that you have with your kids. Healthy boundaries say I deserve to be honored respected and valued and this is important for any healthy interpersonal relationship.

2. People do not know our boundaries unless we state them clearly and succinctly

In a perfect world, people should know how to act, but this is not a thing. Some people think that offensive comments are okay some people don't understand that unsolicited touching is creepy. Let's not waste time getting mad about what "should" be. Instead, let's remember that half the people we meet are below average and common sense is not common. Boundaries are not intuitive. Therefore, we must State our boundaries clearly and concisely, out loud, to other people.

3. Reasonable people respect reasonable boundaries

The inherent problem with this is that not all people are reasonable. Sad news of the day. The world is full of psychopaths and assholes. 

4. It's our boundary, and their choice

We create healthy boundaries, and then we have absolutely no control over other people or how they act. When we state or healthy boundaries, out loud, clearly and concisely, other people then choose whether they want to respect our boundaries or not.

This is hard to hear, so I'm saying this with a lot of love and empathy: when people choose to ignore our reasonable boundaries, they are saying in no uncertain terms, loud and clear, I do not respect you and I do not want a relationship with you that is not on my terms. No exceptions.

Boundaries are vital to relapse prevention for PTSD. You can read more about boundaries in The Soldier's Guide to PTSD and Acknowledge & Heal.

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Looking for support? 

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“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

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Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD,  

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD,

or After the Call, A First Responder’s Guide to PTSD

Give the gift of healing - 2025 Black Friday Sale

Our culture emphasizes strength and self-reliance above all else. The old "Boot Strap" mentality. This often creates a stigma around seeking help for mental health issues, as many feel pressure to present themselves as unbreakable. 

Many more people are afraid to share their true experiences because they feel it is too “trivial” or they feel their pain is “unworthy” of burdening others. And some people simply hide their pain for fear of the stigma associated with mental health issues in a culture where they are expected to “suck it up”. 

But all that hiding, burying, or pushing aside pain only exacerbate the emotional and mental weight of problems brewing under the surface. 

It's time to end the stigma and get on the path of recovery. 

To help you get started, this weekend (Black Friday through Cyber Monday), the PTSD Recovery Series eBooks and Audiobook are on sale. 

Give yourself (or someone you care about) the gift of healing this holiday season.

Ebook

$9.99 $0.99

Nov 28-Dec 1

https://bit.ly/SoldiersGuidePTSD

https://bit.ly/WomensGuidePTSD

https://bit.ly/First-Responders-Guide

Healing isn’t just about surviving trauma, pain, or anxiety. It’s about learning to sit with joy again, to accept happiness without guilt, and to let yourself fully exist in the good moments too.

Remember: Mental health isn’t optional, healing isn’t linear, and needing support isn’t a flaw.

Also Available in Audio

$9.99 $2.99

Nov 28-Dec 1

Chirp

https://www.chirpbooks.com/audiobooks/the-soldier-s-guide-to-ptsd-by-virginia-cruse

Apple

https://books.apple.com/us/audiobook/id1572632529

Barnes & Noble

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-soldiers-guide-to-ptsd-virginia-cruse/1140112068

Connection, support, and validation are also important parts of the healing process.

Do you need support? Join our PTSD community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ptsdrecoveryseries

Veterans Day Weekend Buddy Check!

 

Team, this weekend is going to be hard. It's Veterans Day weekend and our Facebook feeds will be full of pictures and tributes to those we've lost to combat and to suicide. And it is hard. I'm not here to force-feed you some rah-rah message about how life can change; I'm here to stand with you - because this weekend consistently sucks every single year and we need each other right now. 

Please do your buddy checks this weekend, and nag the shit out of the people you love. Make sure they are okay! Having people who care for us and believe in us can can make all the difference in our ability to cope with and recover from difficult events.

I've never met a combat Vet who lost more buddies to war than they did to suicide, and that's not okay. Rather than doing 22 push-ups, I encourage you to pick up the phone and call someone to check in. 

If you learn that your battle buddy is in trouble, here's how to get help: call the Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1 or send a text to 838255. You can text the crisis line while you are on the phone. Ask you buddy where they are located, who is with them, and whether or not they have a weapon. Pass this info on to the crisis line; they will send emergency services. 

I know that no one wants to piss off their buddy, but no one wants another dead buddy either - so choose your battles. The single most loving thing anyone ever did for me personally was stage an all-out intervention; it saved my life. 

Please consider sharing this info. Thanks, Team - stay safe out there.

TL;DR: call your battle buddy, and if they need it, get them help!

AND YOU - if you're in this head space, talk to someone now - like right now. Call your buddy, call the crisis line, do whatever it takes to hang on until this feeling passes because the world would not be better off without you.

*****

Looking for support? 

Join our Community on Facebook!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

*****

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD,  

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD,

or After the Call, A First Responder’s Guide to PTSD