Surviving the July 4th celebration with a Narcissistic Family

Holidays are a time when family gets together to celebrate, and July 4th (at least in America) is the biggest mid-year celebration and a reason many families will get together. 

But for those of us who grew up in narcissistic families, this makes any gathering a time we dread. 

First understand what narcissism is and how the disorder presents. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological personality disorder, defined by The DSM-5, characterized by an inflated sense of one’s own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.  

Because we’re not diagnosing anyone in this blog, we won’t go into the lengthy definition of this disorder. What we want to focus on, however, are the key traits, because they do an excellent job illustrating how this disorder applies to the abuse that narcissistic caregivers can cause us. 

Lack Of Empathy 

In other words. The narcissist neither cares nor wants to understand how other people feel. 

Grandiose Sense Of Self-Importance 

In other words. The narcissist lives in a fantasy world of their own creation. One where they are the center of attention and the most important person. 

Need For Excessive Admiration 

In other words. The narcissist is often covering for some deep emotional wound, and in order to avoid the pain of it, they constantly need praise and approval to keep their spirits up. With this trait, the person with NPD will surround themselves with others who constantly boost their ego. They do not; however, reciprocate. 

Sense Of Entitlement 

In other words. The narcissist expects favorable treatment. Those who do not meet their expectations are treated with aggression and outrage. 

Exploitative Behavior 

In other words. The narcissist will only surround themselves with people who do and say what they want. This becomes their standard. Their circle exists to serve them, and they do not think twice about using their people to get what they want. 

Envious Of Others 

In other words. The narcissist may patronize or dismiss the value of others whom they are secretly envious of. Or they attack with insults, bullying, or other forms of character assassination to neutralize the threat.

Whether you deal with these toxic family members on a regular basis or have to brave a family get together, lets have a plan so we can avoid seriously derailing our mental and emotional health this holiday season.

Accept that they haven’t changed: 

Let's face it, trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle. It's pointless and only leads to more frustration. Instead, sit back and observe their antics like you're watching a soap opera.

Limit the time you spend with them:

Don't be afraid to put your foot down and limit your time with these toxic individuals. Make it clear that you have other commitments (even if it's just Netflix) and stick to your guns. If they get upset with that, that's OK because that's your boundary that you're setting. 

Find the people you enjoy being around:

Maybe you have a narcissistic father, but you really love being around your nieces or nephews. Try to find time with those specific people or loved ones that are most important to you. 

Set realistic expectations: 

Let go of any expectations of a perfect family gathering because let's be real, when has that ever happened? Embrace imperfection and focus on enjoying yourself however you can.

Make time for you:

Don't forget to take care of yourself amidst all the chaos. Sneak away for some alone time or treat yourself to something special. You deserve it.

*****

Did you survive a narcissistic caregiver? 

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*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

June is PTSD Awareness Month

PTSD is often misunderstood and surrounded by harmful rumors that can prevent people from seeking the help they need. One of these rumors is that those who develop PTSD are "not resilient" or "damaged goods." 

This harmful idea suggests that only certain individuals are susceptible to developing PTSD, based on their past experiences or perceived level of resilience.

But the truth is, trauma can affect anyone. It is a highly individual experience, and what may be traumatic for one person may not be for another. No amount of happy childhood memories or previous traumas can protect someone from experiencing PTSD.

Furthermore, this damaging rumor perpetuates the notion that individuals with PTSD should just "bounce back" quickly. 

But the reality is, healing from trauma takes time and support. It is a process, not a quick fix.

Believing in this rumor can also have serious consequences. When people in need of help fear being labeled as "weak" or "damaged," they are less likely to seek the support and treatment they deserve. And this can lead to devastating outcomes.

Not seeking help can have disastrous effects. (These statistics are based on the U.S. population): 

• About 6 out of every 100 people (or 6% of the population) will develop PTSD at some point during their life 

• About 8 of every 100 women (or 8%) develop PTSD sometime in their lives compared with about 4 of every 100 men (or 4%) 

• Among people who have had a diagnosis of PTSD in their lifetime, approximately 27% have also attempted suicide 

•  Women with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are nearly seven times more likely than other women to die by suicide 

• The average time between PTSD diagnosis and suicide was less than two and a half years 

It's time to debunk this harmful myth and start supporting those who are dealing with the effects of trauma. Let's not add to their burden by blaming them for their struggles. Instead, let's offer compassion, understanding, and resources to help them heal.

If you've been affected by harmful rumors about PTSD, know that you're not alone.  Remember, there is no shame in seeking help and working toward healing. Let's break the stigma surrounding mental health together. 

*****

We value your feedback and ideas! 

Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Toxic Positivity is a form of invalidation and gaslighting

 

We’ve mentioned before that shame is the internal voice that tells us we are horrible and a burden and should keep our problems to ourselves. 

Well, there is an equally insidious “outside voice” version of this, too. We call this toxic positivity. Rather than coming from within, this is the feedback we get from others, or what we tell ourselves, that reinforces our shame and prevents us from seeking help. 

Toxic Positivity is a form of invalidation and falls into the category of gaslighting and emotional abuse. Yeah, it can be that serious.

Instead of facing difficult emotions, Toxic Positivity rejects or ignores the negative, glossing over emotional pain with a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade. This can come in the form of burying one’s own feelings and avoiding anything negative, or it can come as a response to expressing those negative feelings with another person.  

Common examples: 

Feigning Gratitude or Praise. 

Focusing on gratitude to bypass emotions. Gratitude is not a bad thing. Neither is praise. But they can be when used to invalidate or ignore your pain.

1. Look on the bright side.
2. Count your blessings.
3. I just can’t believe how strong you are. I’d never survive what you’re going through. Keep up the good work.

Comparing 

Just because someone else is seemingly handling a tough time “better” than you, that's no reason to start comparing. Everyone handles things in their own way.

1. You think you have it rough?
2. It could be worse.
3. If I can do it, so can you. 

Dismissing Difficult Emotions 

When difficult emotions arise, you completely push them down, insisting you must stay positive. It’s a form of gaslighting.

1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. You signed up for this. Now suck it up and do your job.
3. Failure is not an option.

A toxic positivity response creates a disconnect in a person’s ability to rely on their social support structure. And the worst part is these responses can come from others, or it can come from your own mind. 

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD