"Tend and Befriend" - A Common Trauma Reaction

Men and women cope with stress differently. Studies have found that men typically respond to stressful or threatening situations with “fight or flight” (and sometimes freeze). Women, however, are more likely to respond with “tend and befriend.” 

Tending involves taking care of people.

Befriending is the process of reaching out to people to create a network of support. 

In simple terms, women are wired toward protecting, calming, and befriending in stressful situations as a method of diffusing rather than reacting by fight, flight, or freeze. This biological-behavioral response is at the core of our maternal instinct and stems from primitive reactions to threats, including predators, assaults, natural disasters, and any other threats to self and offspring. 

To paraphrase a study by Shelley Taylor, et al.,  if we consider a situation where a mother and her child are in danger; fighting and running is not a viable option. The mother cannot fight and ensure the safety of her child at the same time. She also cannot run away at top speed while dragging or carrying a child. In this case, they are both at higher risk of danger. However, by seeking help, the mother and child have a better chance of survival. Safety in numbers. We all know this phrase. But, more than that, it is believed to be ingrained in our chemical response to stress. This instinct has been passed down, through the principle of natural selection, through subsequent generations. 

A woman’s “tend and befriend” instincts can create a reliance on the support of others during stressful or threatening situations. In this case, it may make them more vulnerable to experiencing PTSD symptoms, especially if they feel rejected, abandoned, or isolated from their support network. 

Acknowledge and Heal: A Women-Focused Guide To Understanding PTSD is a new resource available to learn more about trauma reactions to PTSD. Have you experienced this trauma reaction? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Rumors that are NOT True: People with PTSD are “damaged goods”

Rumors that are NOT True:

People who develop PTSD are “not resilient”/are “damaged goods”

There are a lot of rumors that come with PTSD, unfortunately, and this is one of them. This is the idea that someone “gets” PTSD because they are not resilient enough, or because they already experienced trauma, addiction, etc. and are “damaged goods.” This rumor equates PTSD to the flu and opines that PTSD attacks those with compromised mental immune systems.   

It is fantasy to believe that a happy childhood will inoculate us from future trauma. It won’t! Trauma is an individual experience. What makes something traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another, depending on their relative ability to deal with it. 

There is no quick “bounce back” for rape, war, or a serious accident, and we would appreciate it if people would stop pretending there was. Moreover, this rumor can have unintended consequences: 

If people in need of help feel they will be labeled as “weak” or “damaged,” then they will be less likely to seek the help they need.   

Not seeking help can have disastrous effects. These statistics and these statistics also are based on the U.S. population:

·         About 6 out of every 100 people (or 6% of the population) will develop PTSD at some point during their life

·         About 8 of every 100 women (or 8%) develop PTSD sometime in their lives compared with about 4 of every 100 men (or 4%)

·         Among people who have had a diagnosis of PTSD in their lifetime, approximately 27% have also attempted suicide

·         Women with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are nearly seven times more likely than other women to die by suicide

·         The average time between PTSD diagnosis and suicide was less than two and a half years 

The bottom line is that PTSD symptoms are hard enough without blaming a survivor; this is cruel and unnecessary.

What rumors about PTSD have affected you? How did you overcome them? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

First Responders and PTSD

“It is estimated that 30 percent of first responders develop behavioral health conditions including, but not limited to, depression and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as compared with 20 percent in the general population (Abbot et al., 2015).”

I enjoy talking with readers and hearing about your experiences more than you could imagine. I never thought that our little book would find its way into the hands of so many law enforcement professionals and first responders, but, after hearing their stories, I get it. The amount of psychological distress and overall job stress is astounding. On top of the lack of sleep and physical demands of the job, law enforcement and first responders are repeatedly exposed to trauma.

Here are some resources that specifically address the needs of law enforcement and first responders. If you know of other organizations, let us know so that we can pass it on:

Code Green Campaign (http://codegreencampaign.org/)

The Code Green Campaign is a first responder oriented mental health advocacy and education organization. Also known as Code Green, we serve all types of first responders, including firefighters, EMTs, paramedics, dispatchers, police, corrections, air medical, and search & rescue.

First Responder Support Network (https://www.frsn.org/) 

The mission of the First Responder Support Network (FRSN) is to provide educational treatment programs to promote recovery from stress and critical incidents experienced by first responders and their families. FRSN provides basic and advanced peer support trainings and is available to present on topics such as critical incident stress, peer team development, and inoculation training. FRSN is available to speak with responders, their families, and anyone seeking to assist a responder or their significant other. There is no charge for the outreach and the call is confidential (unless someone is in danger).

UTHealth Trauma and Resilience Center’s First Responder Mental Health Treatment Program (https://tinyurl.com/446zajhu) 

The program provides one hour of counseling a week for 8 to 15 weeks via telemedicine appointments. Specialists provide services for a range of mental health issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder, general anxiety, depression, marital problems, and sleep problems.

Heroes Helpline (https://heroeshelpline.org/)

The Heroes Helpline provides a FREE, entirely confidential, telephone support and referral service that affords first responders and healthcare workers the opportunity to seek treatment without fear of judgment, stigma, or occupational threats. Heroes Helpline allows first responders to find help for substance use disorder through a 24/7 hotline.

Healing Our Own (https://healingourown.org/getting-help) 

Firefighters standing together for healthy bodies and minds. This provides a comprehensive list of resources for firefighters that have been recommended by a member of the California fire service as a resource for their peers. Resources include: Crisis lines, National programs and Regional programs.

Your turn: what organizations have helped you in your journey?

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Compassion Fatigue

Compassion Fatigue was coined by Charles Figley in the 1980s and refers to a set of negative psychological symptoms that caregivers experience in the course of their work while being exposed to direct traumatic events or through secondary trauma. 

Compassion fatigue is an erosive process, not attributed to a single exposure to trauma. It is the result of ongoing, repeated exposure to traumatic situations, whether direct or indirect. Over time, the act of providing care in the context of human suffering and trauma wears down the individual's psychological resilience, leaving the care worker in a combined state of burnout that leads to more serious mental health conditions such PTSD, anxiety or depression. 

Essentially, the continuous exposure to the trauma of others may lead care work professionals to manifest the same or similar symptoms as the trauma survivors they have helped. 

This places many occupations such as law enforcement, first responders, healthcare professionals, teachers, and community service workers right in the crosshairs if they have the risk factors to be affected by it. Between 40% and 85% of helping professionals develop vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue and/or high rates of traumatic symptoms, according to compassion fatigue expert Francoise Mathieu. 

During a TED Talk in 2017, Patricia Smith, the founder of the Compassion Fatigue Awareness project, had this to say,

“Caregivers are not good at asking for help. Asking for help is hard, no matter who you are. For nurses, doctors, teachers and more, the idea of leaving work can seem like an impossibility. You may feel guilty or that you are abandoning your patients or students. But if you are struggling with drug or alcohol use, you need help too. Your clients, patients and students will be happy for you.” 

With that in mind, try to be aware of signs of compassion fatigue and seek help. 

How do you handle compassion fatigue? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD