New Year New Healing for PTSD

 

A new year is almost here, and you might be thinking this is the time to get help for your PTSD. 

That's great! 

Let's talk about how to get help.

You may have heard some advice from others on how to handle your PTSD symptoms, but it might not have been very helpful. Most people don't mean any harm when they suggest things like "just exercise more" or "cut out gluten", but these are usually just their personal opinions or experiences, not actual solutions based on science.

Even blogs and books can be just someone's opinion. According to a study, there are 5,000 self-help books published every year, but only 5% of them have any research backing up their effectiveness. So how do we know what will actually work and what is just a random idea?

That's where Evidence Based Treatments come in.

Evidence-based treatments (EBTs) are based on peer-reviewed scientific evidence. This means that researchers have conducted rigorous studies using scientific methods, documented their extensive research in peer-reviewed publications (such as medical journals), and then other researchers conduct additional scientific studies to see if the treatment is, in fact, successful. 

There are three EBTs approved by the VA for treatment of PTSD at this time: Prolonged Exposure (PE), Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) - and the data are clear: they work. There are other EBTs for PTSD, but, because these three are supported by the VA, they tend to be widely available. Moreover, the data indicate that they work for the long-haul. 

While exercising more and eating better is always a good idea, when it comes to beating your PTSD symptoms, EBTs are proven to work and they do so in about 12 sessions.  

Don't give up - get smart. You know "you” better than any treatment team and you deserve your breakthrough. Start your research journey and ask your treatment team for smart solutions. We can find an EBT provider through the Strong Star Provider Network at University of Texas Health Science Center or even through Psychology Today or Google. 

Have you tried an EBT? What worked for you? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Time for Our Annual Holiday Boundaries Pep Talk!

 

Okay, Team - here we go! It's our annual boundaries pep talk (because homicide is illegal). To protect our self-worth (and stave off any jail time), let's get back to square one: 

Toxic relationships are like poison to our well-being, and setting boundaries is the antidote. Boundaries serve as a way for us to communicate what is acceptable or unacceptable in our lives. However, for those who have experienced trauma, this can be a difficult task. Trauma can leave us feeling vulnerable and questioning our self-worth, leading us to fall back on unhealthy coping mechanisms or people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict.

But establishing healthy boundaries is an act of self-respect. It sends a clear message to ourselves and others that we deserve to be treated with honor, respect, and value. Boundaries also demonstrate confidence. Since confidence is often one of the casualties of PTSD, we have to relearn (or maybe learn for the first time) how to make a healthy, reasonable boundary, how to maintain it, and what to do if someone chooses to ignore it.  

Making healthy boundaries seems like it should be easy and intuitive, but it definitely is not. Let’s start here: 

Ground Rules

1. Healthy boundaries make healthy relationships.

Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship, whether it's between spouses, friends, coworkers, or parents and children. They communicate that one deserves to be treated with honor, respect, and value, which is crucial for maintaining healthy interpersonal connections.

2. People do not know our boundaries unless we state them clearly and succinctly. 

Yes, in a perfect world, people “should” know how to act, but, let’s be real, not everyone is great at adulting. Some people don’t know that racist comments are not okay. Some people don’t understand that unsolicited touching is creepy. Let’s not waste time getting mad about what “should be.” Instead, let’s remember that half the people we meet are below average and common sense is not common. Boundaries are not intuitive. We must state our boundaries clearly and concisely - out loud - to other people. 

3. Reasonable people respect reasonable boundaries. 

The inherent problem with this is that not all people are reasonable. Sad news of the day: the world is full of psychopaths and assholes. When people choose to ignore reasonable boundaries, they are sometimes the former and usually the latter. The problem is not our boundary, it is their choice. 

4. Our boundaries, their choice. 

We create healthy boundaries, and we have absolutely no control over other people or how they act. When we state our healthy boundaries - out loud - clearly and concisely, other people then choose whether they want to respect our boundaries or not. If they choose to respect the boundary, great. If not, then we know this is not a healthy interpersonal connection to maintain.

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Surviving the Toxic Family Holiday

 

Holidays are a time when family gets together to celebrate. But for those of us who grew up in narcissistic families, this makes holidays a time we dread. 

First understand what narcissism is and how the disorder presents. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological personality disorder, defined by The DSM-5, characterized by an inflated sense of one’s own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.  

Because we’re not diagnosing anyone in this blog, we won’t go into the lengthy definition of this disorder. What we want to focus on, however, are the key traits, because they do an excellent job illustrating how this disorder applies to the abuse that narcissistic caregivers can cause us. 

Lack Of Empathy 

In other words. The narcissist neither cares nor wants to understand how other people feel. 

Grandiose Sense Of Self-Importance 

In other words. The narcissist lives in a fantasy world of their own creation. One where they are the center of attention and the most important person. 

Need For Excessive Admiration 

In other words. The narcissist is often covering for some deep emotional wound, and in order to avoid the pain of it, they constantly need praise and approval to keep their spirits up. With this trait, the person with NPD will surround themselves with others who constantly boost their ego. They do not; however, reciprocate. 

Sense Of Entitlement 

In other words. The narcissist expects favorable treatment. Those who do not meet their expectations are treated with aggression and outrage. 

Exploitative Behavior 

In other words. The narcissist will only surround themselves with people who do and say what they want. This becomes their standard. Their circle exists to serve them, and they do not think twice about using their people to get what they want. 

Envious Of Others 

In other words. The narcissist may patronize or dismiss the value of others whom they are secretly envious of. Or they attack with insults, bullying, or other forms of character assassination to neutralize the threat.

Whether you deal with these toxic family members on a regular basis or have to brave a family get together, lets have a plan so we can avoid seriously derailing our mental and emotional health this holiday season.

Accept that they haven’t changed: 

Let's face it, trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle. It's pointless and only leads to more frustration. Instead, sit back and observe their antics like you're watching a soap opera.

Limit the time you spend with them:

Don't be afraid to put your foot down and limit your time with these toxic individuals. Make it clear that you have other commitments (even if it's just Netflix) and stick to your guns. If they get upset with that, that's OK because that's your boundary that you're setting. 

Find the people you enjoy being around:

Maybe you have a narcissistic father, but you really love being around your nieces or nephews. Try to find time with those specific people or loved ones that are most important to you. 

Set realistic expectations: 

Let go of any expectations of a perfect holiday gathering because let's be real, when has that ever happened? Embrace imperfection and focus on enjoying yourself however you can.

Make time for you:

Don't forget to take care of yourself amidst all the chaos. Sneak away for some alone time or treat yourself to something special. You deserve it after surviving another holiday season with toxic family members.

Happy holidays!

Did you survive a narcissistic caregiver? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Survive the Holidays: Guided Meditation

 

Holidays are hard. Full stop.

The triggers this past year have been endless, and it is 100% okay to feel however you feel right now. Whether you’re feeling angry, anxious, cagey, or just done with 2024, it’s okay. 

Let’s take time to talk about ways to cope and try to get as close to “normal” as we can, whatever “normal” means.

Guided Meditation

I’m not getting all woo-woo on you. In my opinion, guided meditation is the single easiest thing we can do to self-adjust. It’s easy to do, easy to access resources (free on YouTube!), and takes as little as 5-10 minutes. We can do it in our car, on our work break, or before bed to unplug from a hectic day.

The purpose of guided meditation is to slow our minds down and relax. It’s perfect for beginners who have never tried meditation or mindfulness. Guided meditation is a lot like listening to an audio book. A soothing voice tells us exactly what to visualize and how to wind down, and there is usually some relaxing music in the background. 

Rather than pushing intrusive thoughts away, guided meditation encourages our brains to replace those thoughts with something more relaxing and to stay anchored in the present moment. Guided meditation takes the guesswork out of the mechanics. All we have to do is follow the suggestions of the soothing voice. Sometimes this is guided breathing or visualizing a relaxing setting. It’s too easy.

It’s Free and Plentiful 

Guided meditation recordings used to be hard to find, but not so anymore. My go-to is YouTube: search for “guided meditation for relaxation” – or for sleep, or for anxiety, or for stress, or for anything you need in the moment. Take a look at the length of the recordings as they come up. Some are 5 minutes and some are 8 hours (to encourage sleep, for example). Give a listen to the recordings; they vary in terms of voice, music, and content. If you try one and hate it, there are dozens of others you can try. I have my favorites saved and use the YouTube app on my phone to access them wherever I roam. 

Help with Sleep

For me, guided meditation has been a godsend in terms of peaceful sleep. I have a tough time winding down my brain at the end of the day and regularly use guided meditation to help me put those racing thoughts in a drawer to open again tomorrow. 

In conclusion, guided meditation is too easy not to try. So give it a go and let me know what works for you.

Do you have a way to make the holidays feel less hectic? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD