Toxic Positivity is a form of invalidation and gaslighting

 

We’ve mentioned before that shame is the internal voice that tells us we are horrible and a burden and should keep our problems to ourselves. 

Well, there is an equally insidious “outside voice” version of this, too. We call this toxic positivity. Rather than coming from within, this is the feedback we get from others, or what we tell ourselves, that reinforces our shame and prevents us from seeking help. 

Toxic Positivity is a form of invalidation and falls into the category of gaslighting and emotional abuse. Yeah, it can be that serious.

Instead of facing difficult emotions, Toxic Positivity rejects or ignores the negative, glossing over emotional pain with a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade. This can come in the form of burying one’s own feelings and avoiding anything negative, or it can come as a response to expressing those negative feelings with another person.  

Common examples: 

Feigning Gratitude or Praise. 

Focusing on gratitude to bypass emotions. Gratitude is not a bad thing. Neither is praise. But they can be when used to invalidate or ignore your pain.

1. Look on the bright side.
2. Count your blessings.
3. I just can’t believe how strong you are. I’d never survive what you’re going through. Keep up the good work.

Comparing 

Just because someone else is seemingly handling a tough time “better” than you, that's no reason to start comparing. Everyone handles things in their own way.

1. You think you have it rough?
2. It could be worse.
3. If I can do it, so can you. 

Dismissing Difficult Emotions 

When difficult emotions arise, you completely push them down, insisting you must stay positive. It’s a form of gaslighting.

1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. You signed up for this. Now suck it up and do your job.
3. Failure is not an option.

A toxic positivity response creates a disconnect in a person’s ability to rely on their social support structure. And the worst part is these responses can come from others, or it can come from your own mind. 

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“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

April is National Stress Awareness Month

 

April is recognized as National Stress Awareness Month to bring attention to the negative impact of stress. Managing stress is an essential component of Mental Health.

As of this writing, burnout is not listed as a diagnosis in DSM-5. That said, Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged and excessive stress, so we must understand that burnout is much more complicated than ordinary fatigue. 

Being burned out is feeling empty, mentally exhausted, lacking motivation, with no resources left to draw on. People experiencing burnout often cannot see a way to change their situation. If not addressed and treated, burnout can lead to a full on mental health crisis. 

Psychologists Herbert Freudenberger and Gail North have outlined the phases of this stress syndrome:

• Excessive Drive/Ambition

Too much ambition can lead to burnout. Ambition pushes a person to work harder.
Neglecting Needs
Begin to sacrifice self-care like sleep, exercise, and eating well.

• Displacement Of Conflict

Blaming the boss, the demands of the job, or colleagues for personal troubles.
No Time For Non-Work-Related Needs
Begin to withdraw from family and friends.

• Denial

Impatience with other, seeing them as incompetent, lazy, or overbearing.

• Withdrawal

Further pulling away from family and friends. Social invitations to parties, movies, and dinner dates start to feel burdensome.

• Behavioral Changes

Those on the road to burnout may become more aggressive and snap at loved ones for no reason.

• Depersonalization

Feeling detached from life and ability to it.
Inner Emptiness Or Anxiety
Potential to turn to thrill seeking behaviors to cope with empty feelings. Potential for substance use, gambling, or over eating.

• Depression

Life loses its meaning. Extreme hopelessness.
Mental Or Physical Collapse
Mental health or medical attention may be necessary.

 Ask yourself these four questions to determine if you are suffering from burnout.

1.      How often are you tired and lacking energy to go to work in the morning?

2.      How often do you feel physically drained, like your batteries are dead?

3.      How often is your thinking process sluggish or your concentration impaired?

4.      How often do you feel emotionally detached from co-workers (or customers) and unable to be sensitive to their needs?

There is a significant association between PTSD and burnout, particularly the depressive component. While burnout is not currently recognized by the DSM-5, it is a serious condition that makes a person less resilient to handling additional stressors or traumas.

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I want to share great resources and ideas with you. This video by Sharon Horesh Bergquist, How stress affects your body, is short, fun, comprehensive, and really well done - oh, and it's less than five minutes long! I encourage you to check this out; I know I will be sharing this with all my clients going forward: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-t1Z5-oPtU

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We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

Don't Neglect your Mental Health

 

Our culture emphasizes strength and self-reliance above all else. The old "Boot Strap" mentality. This can create a stigma around seeking help for mental health issues, as many feel pressure to present themselves as unbreakable. So even when they are struggling, many people suffer in silence, afraid to be seen as weak or unfit.

Many people are afraid to share their true experiences because they feel it is too “trivial” or they feel their pain is “unworthy” of burdening others. Some simply hide their pain for fear of the stigma associated with mental health issues in a culture where they are expected to “suck it up”. 

But pushing aside emotions and burying pain can only exacerbate the emotional and mental weight of problems stewing under the surface. In other words, they hide their shame, which leads to burnout, isolation, and a sense of hopelessness.

We've talked about shame before. Unfortunately, when many of us experience pain or suffering, we allow shame to force us into the silence. But, the more we try to avoid speaking about shame, the more control it has over us and the more it negatively impacts our lives.

This only leads to a deeper sense of loneliness and isolation, which can have negative impacts on our lives. Burnout, hopelessness, and mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and PTSD are just some of the consequences of neglecting mental health.

And these struggles can also affect personal relationships, as the emotional toll makes it difficult to connect with loved ones. This can lead to strained relationships and erode important support systems that should act as a buffer to cope with stress.

Addressing mental health disorders is crucial not for the well-being of any individual suffering.

When mental health issues are ignored or left unaddressed due to shame and stigma, they can have alarming consequences like suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

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We value your feedback and ideas! 

Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD