We've all experienced moments of shame before, whether it's from making a mistake at work or acting unkindly towards someone. But there's a deeper and more damaging type of shame called toxic shame.
Toxic shame is not just a fleeting feeling, but a constant state of worthlessness and self-hatred that stems from traumatic experiences (abuse, neglect, or other instances of poor treatment) by those around you.
Toxic Shame has its roots in criticism. Most criticism is intended to correct a behavior, however, when the focus of that criticism is that you, rather than your behavior choices, are the problem the seed of shame is planted. Repeated emotional and/or physical attacks teach a person to absorb and accept the feeling that they are worthless and should be ashamed of themselves, whether or not they actually did something wrong.
When someone intentionally inflicts toxic shame on another person, it strips them of their sense of self-worth and leaves them feeling undeserving of help or support.
Sadly, this cycle of toxic shame can be passed down through generations, as parents who have experienced it themselves unknowingly perpetuate it onto their own children. But toxic shame can also occur in any close relationship where one person uses it as a weapon for control and emotional abuse.
Some symptoms of toxic shame include:
Constant self-criticism
Perfectionism
Low self-esteem
Depression and anxiety
Procrastination
Extreme sensitivity to the opinion of others
Sleep issues
Eating disorders
Substance use
Let’s stop right here. Take a moment and read the following statement:
You are not worthless.
You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.
You deserve to heal.
Read it again. Keep reading that statement until you believe it, because, friend, you do deserve to heal. And until you believe it, you cannot begin to heal.
What is your experience with toxic shame?
*****
“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”
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