Bullying and PTSD

Bullying, also known as peer victimization, is an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). ACEs are potentially traumatic events that can have negative, lasting effects on a person's development, the way they interact with others, and how they perform in school. 

Bullying is aggressive behavior, often seen among school-aged children (but can also happen during adulthood), that involves inflicting of social, emotional, physical, and/or psychological harm to someone who often is perceived as being less powerful. 

There are three types of bullying:

·         Verbal bullying includes

Teasing

Name-calling

Inappropriate sexual comments

Taunting

Threatening to cause harm

·         Social bullying involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships and includes in person and online interactions:

Leaving someone out on purpose

Telling other children not to be friends with someone

Spreading rumors about someone

Embarrassing someone in public

Sharing personal or private information about someone

·         Physical bullying involves hurting a person or their possessions.

          Hitting/kicking/pinching

Spitting

Tripping/pushing

Taking or breaking someone’s things

Making mean or rude hand gestures 

Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like the playground or the school bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the child’s neighborhood, or on the Internet. 

Bullying can cut to the core of our fundamental belief systems about ourselves, others, and the world, and good therapy can help us overcome these scars.

How did bullying affect you? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

PTSD for First Responders and Active Federal Service Members (LEOs)

A common rumor with PTSD is that it is somehow reserved for the military community. I even hear this among First Responders, such as EMTs, police, firefighters, and emergency dispatchers - even though our First Responders are on the front lines here at home every day. 

Many of my fellow Veterans are drawn to continue their service as a First Responder in their community, or as in active federal service, or in federal Law Enforcement. I want to take a minute to dispel some myths and give you some real talk about PTSD in our First Responder and LEO community.

Many civilians believe that only military members can suffer from PTSD, and, within the ranks, many Service Members believe that only ops folks or combat Veterans can have PTSD. Very often, I hear clients say something to the effect of, “I don’t ‘deserve’ to have PTSD.”

Let's start off by saying: that is not a thing; that is fundamentally not how PTSD works. You don’t have to be a trigger-pulling, pipe-hitting mother-trucker for PTSD to whoop your ass (although you certainly can be). 

Then there’s the idea that PTSD is reserved for those who have “earned it” or somehow "deserve it." Let’s have some real talk: I don’t deserve to have the flu. I’m a really nice person and good looking. But flu doesn’t give a shit about that. No one deserves to have malaria or HIV or schizophrenia, but we don’t get a choice. PTSD is same-same.

PTSD can develop in anyone after experiencing a trauma. Trauma is defined as, "actual or threatened exposure to death, serious injury, or sexual violence." That is a pretty big umbrella. According to research, over 80% of First Responders report experiencing traumatic events on the job, and it is estimated that 10–15% have been diagnosed with PTSD. Because these are self-report measures, I am going to guess that these numbers are low simply because the rumors about PTSD are so powerful.

The bottom line is that anyone can develop PTSD after a trauma, and First Responders and feds spend a lot of time around death, injury, and sexual violence in the course of their work every single day. If this is you, I want to encourage you to get help. PTSD is something that happens to us; it is not something wrong with us. We absolutely can come back from our PTSD and reclaim our lives.

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

The best way to start is to identify the problem. Download my free workbook and take a No-Sh*t assessment of where you are at today.

Toxic Shame and PTSD

 

In the 1960s, psychologist Silvan Tomkins coined the term “toxic shame” to refer to a deep and debilitating pathology that results from traumatic experiences of being repeatedly humiliated, rejected, despised, and treated as worthless. 

In 1988, counselor, speaker, and author John Bradshaw brought Toxic Shame into public awareness in his self-help book, Healing The Shame That Binds You. 

Shame is a feeling of diminished self-worth that is not related to any particular action.

Guilt is a negative feeling related to a particular action. 

A personal favorite of mine, Brené Brown, who has spent decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, describes shame as, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging - something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” 

Toxic Shame has its roots in criticism. Most criticism is intended to correct a behavior, however, when the focus of that criticism is that you, rather than your behavior choices, are the problem the seed of shame is planted. 

The aggressor in this situation is not trying to correct choices. They are focusing their negativity on the survivor, selecting things that are out of the survivor’s control to use for a personal attack. Toxic shame is prevalent in family situations. Parents who may have endured treatment like this when they were children often replicate the behavior with their own children. It is not always easy to see the intent of criticism when it is delivered, and that is why this cycle of shame can go unnoticed, becoming toxic.

While it is more commonly seen in the parent/child relationship, Toxic Shame can show up in any close relationship with another person. 

When shame is used intentionally, it is emotional abuse. It is done with the intent of keeping their survivor powerless and at the mercy of the abuser. If the survivor’s sense of personal value has been diminished by toxic shame, they feel worthless. And because they feel that they are worthless, they also do not feel they deserve the help they need.

Let’s stop right here. Take a moment and read the following statement: 

You are not worthless.

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.

You deserve to heal. 

Read it again. Keep reading that statement until you believe it, because, friend, you do deserve to heal. And until you believe it, you cannot begin to heal.

What is your experience with toxic shame? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD