Burying feelings of trauma and shame only further entrenches them.
A personal favorite of mine, Dr. Brené Brown, who has spent decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, describes shame as,
“The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
Brown explains that all shame needs to grow is the destructive trio of silence, secrecy and judgement. Unfortunately, when many of us experience pain or suffering, we allow shame to force us into the silence. Yet, according to Dr. Brown, the more we try to avoid speaking about shame, the more control it has over us and the more it negatively impacts our lives.
Often, when experiencing pain or shame, we mistakenly believe that our pain must be proportional to an event or a loss that has been suffered, and when we feel our experience is insignificant compared to the experiences of others, we further bury our shame and isolate ourselves from the very thing that helps us to heal, connection with others.
Many people are afraid to share their true experiences because they feel it is too “trivial” or they feel their pain is “unworthy” of burdening others. Some simply hide their pain for fear of the stigma associated with mental health issues in a culture where they are expected to “suck it up.”
The
problem with failing to express and address pain, no matter how seemingly
insignificant, it will find a way to seep into and negatively impact other
areas of life. In effect, shame becomes a catalyst for more damage and
destruction.
Take time today to speak your experience out loud.
*****
“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”
Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook,
or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD
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