Having a positive outlook on life is often praised and encouraged, but it's important to acknowledge that life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Negative emotions and experiences are a natural part of the human experience and can even be critical for personal growth.
Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is when we constantly try to avoid or dismiss those negative feelings in favor of only focusing on the positive. It may seem harmless, but toxic positivity can have harmful effects on our mental well-being and relationships.
By burying our own feelings or invalidating the feelings of others, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to address and work through difficult emotions. This can lead to those negative feelings festering and causing more harm in the long run.
Moreover, toxic positivity can be especially damaging to those going through tough times. Instead of offering support and understanding, the constant push for positivity can make them feel dismissed and isolated. This only adds to a person’s struggles.
Toxic Positivity is:
- Shaming: Toxic positivity tells people that the emotions they are feeling are unacceptable.
- Causes guilt. It sends a message that if a person can’t feel positive, even in the face of tragedy, that they are doing something wrong.
- Avoids empathy. Toxic positivity allows people to sidestep emotional situations that might make them feel uncomfortable. This becomes a societal pattern. When we feel difficult emotions, we then discount, dismiss, and deny them for ourselves and others.
- Prevents growth. Dismissing and denying negative feelings also prevents us from facing those challenging feelings which, if worked through, could lead to growth and deeper insight.
Common examples:
Feigning Gratitude. Focusing on gratitude as a way to bypass emotions. Gratitude is not a bad thing, but it can be when you're using it to invalidate yourself.
“Look on the bright side.”
“Count your blessings."
Comparing. Just because someone else is seemingly handling a tough time “better” than you, that's no reason to start comparing. Everyone handles things in their own way.
"You think you have it rough?”
"It could be worse.”
"If I can do it, so can you.”
Dismissing Difficult Emotions. When difficult emotions arise, you completely push them down, insisting you must stay positive. It’s a form of gaslighting.
"Everything happens for a reason.”
"Positive Vibes Only.”
"Failure is not an option.”
"Don’t worry, be happy!”
A toxic positive response, rather than an empathetic one, creates a disconnect in a person’s ability to rely on their social support structure.
THE BOTTOM LINE: People going through trauma don’t need to be told to stay positive, they need empathy. When someone is suffering, they need to know that their emotions are valid, and they can find relief and love in their friends and family. Negative emotions need to be validated, explored, and processed.
Have you experienced toxic positivity? How did you address it?
*****
“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”
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