Combatting Negative Self-Talk

 

Self-talk is that stream of thoughts and dialogue in our minds throughout the day - and perhaps what keeps us from sleeping well at night. Self-talk can be our greatest cheerleader, but also our most viscous inner critic. So how can we change our inner dialogue if it is no longer helping us? 

We can start by recognizing negative thinking patterns and their impact on how we feel and our behavior. Cognitive Processing Therapy, an evidence-based treatment for PTSD, does a great job of describing what they call, "Patterns of Problematic Thinking." They are:

1. Jumping to conclusions or predicting the future
2. Exaggerating or minimizing a situation (blowing things way out of proportion or shrinking their importance inappropriately)
3. Ignoring important parts of a situation
4. Oversimplifying things as good/bad or right/wrong
5. Over-generalizing from a single incident (a negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern)
6. Mind reading (we assume people are thinking negatively of us when there is no definite evidence for this)
7. Emotional reasoning (using our emotions as proof, e.g., "I feel fear so I must be in danger")

Taking time to identify our automatic thoughts and examine them is key. We can do this through journaling or reflection. Identify the thought, and ask "What triggered this? How did it affect how I felt or acted?"

As we get better at recognizing these automatic and negative thinking patterns, we can work to challenge them. To do this, we can put these thoughts, "on trial" and ask ourselves what the evidence is for these thoughts - and would the evidence hold up in court? We can continue to interrogate the negative self-talk - maybe we are engaging in an "all or nothing" thinking pattern, or our self-talk is based on feelings rather than facts.

Unraveling negative self-talk is a process and it will help us to focus on progress rather than perfection. We developed these habits over a long period of time, and probably for good reason. Maybe we used this self-talk to motivate ourselves or protect ourselves - and that is okay. But when it is no longer serving us, it is time to put negative self-talk down. 

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

The 11th: Buddy Check Day

The 11th day of each month is Buddy Check Day reminding us to check in with other veterans. By getting in touch with others, we can enjoy camaraderie, check on each other’s well-being, and maybe even connect another veteran with a service they can use.

Buddy Check can be as simple as picking up the phone, talking, texting, or visiting.

Buddy Check Day is a great opportunity for veterans to connect with each other, and for other community members to reach out and connect with veterans.

It promotes camaraderie and connectedness. It also serves as an opportunity to educate folks on issues that are relevant to veterans across Texas and to educate folks on the services that are available to veterans.

We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD

 

Emotional Abuse: Gaslighting

Gaslighting falls under the categories of emotional and mental abuse.  

The term Gaslighting comes from the movie Gaslight (1944) which was based on the 1938 Victorian thriller Gas Light, written by the British novelist and playwright Patrick Hamilton. (Spoiler Alert) In both versions we see a woman being slowly manipulated by her husband into believing that she is going insane. This is done so that he can have her committed and steal her inheritance. 

Dr. Robin Stern coined the term “gaslight effect” in her 2007 book The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others use to Control Your Life. 

“In the vernacular, the phrase ‘to gaslight’ refers to the act of undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are manipulated into turning against their cognition, their emotions, and who they fundamentally are as people.” 

Gaslighting is a way of invalidating the survivor. Wearing them down until they no longer have the will to fight. It is done slowly, through systematic manipulation, which leads the survivor to question their own reality. 

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, techniques a person may use to gaslight someone include:

·         Countering: Questioning the survivor’s memory of events, especially when the survivor has an accurate account.

“Are you sure that’s what happened? You know you have a terrible memory.” 

·         Withholding: Refusing to engage with the survivor in order to control the narrative.

(The silent treatment. Stonewalling.) 

·         Trivializing: Belittling or disregarding of the other person’s feelings.

“You’re too sensitive. Why do you always have to blow up over little things?" 

·         Denial: Denial of an event, pretending nothing happened, or accusing the survivor of making things up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not the way things went down.” 

·         Diverting: Changing the focus of a discussion and questioning the survivor’s credibility.

“Where did you get that idea? Did your friend put you up to this? You know they hate me.” 

While anyone can experience gaslighting, it is especially common in intimate relationships and in social interactions where there is an imbalance of power. Survivors of gaslighting often find it difficult to realize they are experiencing abuse. They may not question the abusive person’s behavior because the one doing the gaslighting is in a position of authority, or because the survivor feels reliant on them.

Common Signs You Have Been A Survivor Of Gaslighting Include:

·         Feeling confused and constantly second-guessing yourself

·         Having trouble making simple decisions

·         Frequently questioning if you are being too sensitive

·         Becoming withdrawn or unsociable

·         Constantly feeling the need to apologize to the abusive person

·         Defending or making excuses for the abusive person’s behavior

·         Feeling hopeless, joyless, worthless, or incompetent

Learning how to recognize emotional abuse is an important step in healing from it. Did you or a loved one recognize gaslighting in a relationship? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!

*****

“If you believe change is possible, you want to change, and you are willing to do the work, you absolutely CAN get your life back.”

Get your copy of The Soldier's Guide to PTSD, The Soldier's Workbook, 

or Acknowledge & Heal, A Women's-Focused Guide to PTSD