Holidays are a time when family gets together to celebrate. But for those of us who grew up in narcissistic families, this makes holidays a time we dread.
First understand what narcissism is and how the disorder presents.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a psychological personality disorder, defined by The DSM-5, characterized by an inflated sense of one’s own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
Because we’re not diagnosing anyone in this blog, we won’t go into the lengthy definition of this disorder. What we want to focus on, however, are the key traits, because they do an excellent job illustrating how this disorder applies to the abuse that narcissistic caregivers can cause us.
Lack Of Empathy
In other words. The narcissist neither cares nor wants to understand how other people feel.
Grandiose Sense Of Self-Importance
In other words. The narcissist lives in a fantasy world of their own creation. One where they are the center of attention and the most important person.
Need For Excessive Admiration
In other words. The narcissist is often covering for some deep emotional wound, and in order to avoid the pain of it, they constantly need praise and approval to keep their spirits up. With this trait, the person with NPD will surround themselves with others who constantly boost their ego. They do not; however, reciprocate.
Sense Of Entitlement
In other words. The narcissist expects favorable treatment. Those who do not meet their expectations are treated with aggression and outrage.
Exploitative Behavior
In other words. The narcissist will only surround themselves with people who do and say what they want. This becomes their standard. Their circle exists to serve them, and they do not think twice about using their people to get what they want.
Envious Of Others
In other words. The narcissist may patronize or dismiss the value of others whom they are secretly envious of. Or they attack with insults, bullying, or other forms of character assassination to neutralize the threat.
Whether you deal with these toxic family members on a regular basis or have to brave a family get together, lets have a plan so we can avoid seriously derailing our mental and emotional health this holiday season.
Accept that they haven’t changed:
Let's face it, trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle. It's pointless and only leads to more frustration. Instead, sit back and observe their antics like you're watching a soap opera.
Limit the time you spend with them:
Don't be afraid to put your foot down and limit your time with these toxic individuals. Make it clear that you have other commitments (even if it's just Netflix) and stick to your guns. If they get upset with that, that's OK because that's your boundary that you're setting.
Find the people you enjoy being around:
Maybe you have a narcissistic father, but you really love being around your nieces or nephews. Try to find time with those specific people or loved ones that are most important to you.
Set realistic expectations:
Let go of any expectations of a perfect holiday gathering because let's be real, when has that ever happened? Embrace imperfection and focus on enjoying yourself however you can.
Make time for you:
Don't forget to take care of yourself amidst all the chaos. Sneak away for some alone time or treat yourself to something special. You deserve it after surviving another holiday season with toxic family members.
Happy holidays!
Did you survive a narcissistic caregiver? We value your feedback and ideas! Reach out on our Community Facebook Page!
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